My name is Sabrina Kilmer and I have been a student at Sedusa Studios for about two years now. I appreciate the chance to share my story with you. When I was 16, I developed an eating disorder called anorexia nervosa. I started by cutting out meat and a lot of salty foods, sounds healthy right? It started escalating to becoming completely Vegan, and then to having an excuse to not eat practically anything all day.
I survived on salads (NO dressing) and water. I would eat brown rice for weeks on end, skipping dinner, telling my parents that I had eaten earlier that day or at my friend's house. I also began using Cocaine as a way to control the weight. As my weight started to plummet, my parents grew concerned. They took me to a doctor and the doctor could spot the signs of malnutrition immediately. I was sent to a specialist at El Camino Hospital and hospitalized. I was at this point, 85 lbs. I was at El Camino for close to six months and returned there for follow-up visits for nearly two years thereafter.
I "graduated" from this program by the time I was 20-years-old. While graduation was a positive thing, I was unfortunately unhappy with my body, as I had gained a lot of weight back; I weighed 140lbs. On my 21st birthday, my boyfriend and some friends took me to my first dance club. I was totally in awe of how the girls were in charge of their femininity and appeared to have no shame exploring their sexuality and their bodies. I wanted that so badly, I NEEDED that so badly.
A couple of years later, I started researching pole dancing and forums, about learned how it made women feel better about themselves. I contacted Sedusa Studios and signed up with Carol for her "Pussycat" class series, which is a combination of jazz and hip-hop choreography. I had taken these types of classes when I was in my early teens but it got away from me once I started struggling with anorexia. I did not sign up for a pole dancing class because I was honestly too intimidated and did not feel "I was sexy enough" to be in that class.
Three months passed and I started feeling more confident. I saw how my body was taking on a new and HEALTHY shape. I was developing the muscles I lost due to malnutrition. I decided to dive in and take a pole series, "Sexy Pole," which is a five-week class that meets once a week for one hour. By the end of that fifth week, I started feeling so much more confident. I stared to think, "I AM sexy," and I CAN BE a seductive Lion-ness, like I had always wanted to be! The tricks were hard, and it took me months to learn how to climb. But I didn't give up, I was determined to get my feminine, sexy back.
I have not stopped taking classes since I started two years ago. My body is completely healthy and I'm at a healthy stable weight, with incredible muscle tone! Sedusa is a haven for me. No matter how bad my day was or if I don't really feel sexy that day, it all changes in that one (sometimes two) hours that I'm there.
I am proud to say I performed at both Walnut Creek and Campbell Studios this past spring. I am now in advanced classes and am learning crazy pole tricks and sensual moves I never even dreamed of doing. Learning to express my feminine, sexy self through dancing has become a huge part of my life. I can't imagine not going to classes twice a week.
I now have my own pole in my room so I can practice and dance whenever I feel like it! I have become a whole new person. My boyfriend of five years can testify to that as well! I truly believe I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for Sedusa Studios and their amazing staff. I've even made a good number of friends that have been such a good influence on my new healthy lifestyle! I look forward to each day with a bright new outlook on life, and remember that I'm a dancer that is sexy, strong, and beautiful!
Thank you for the chance to share my story.